No One Likes Your Shitty Poetry

My eyes are moist with tears,

As you remove me from your friends list,

But I will have my vengeance,

I'm writing a shitty poem about you! Boo-fucking-hoo!

Poetry is for fags. Let's face it, kids; poems rank up there with eating schlong and watching Glee on the list of gayest things ever. I'd rather rip my own dick off and fill my castration wound with fire-ants than ever read another shitty poem ever again. And unfortunately, it's all shitty. Why? because poems, like religions and white people, are all exactly alike.

But what makes poetry so infuriatingly homosexual? Let's break it down like the emotional stability of an emo kid with an inferiority complex.

1)POEMS ARE PRETENTIOUS. I have an idea, a thought; I have something I want to say. So how do I say it? I know what you're thinking, "WITH WORDZ, DARSH!!!!1!1!! LOLZ". Wrong, wrong, wrong. With a poem! Why? Because I'm gay (note: I'm not gay, retard). What better way to tell the world you're a fifteen-year-old with his head up his ass then by writing a poem to express yourself? But it can't be a poem with, y'know, a rhyme scheme, because being coherent is so late-nineties. It has to be aimless, bereft of creativity, and completely inane. Congratulations! You have destroyed art.

2)POETRY IS DEAD. There's a reason no one writes poems anymore. It's because what was once an art left to people who didn't need to use spellcheck or rhyming dictionaries has been stolen by every jobless wang with a FaceBook. We get it; you have nothing to live for. Just kill yourself, don't drag us into the hellish abyss with you by spreading your suicidal tendencies via crappy poetry. Why don't you do something useful with your vapid musings and engrave them on your tombstone?

3)NOTHING GOOD EVER CAME FROM A POEM. If you read the above listing, you might have mistaken me for someone who gives a rat's twat about poetry. The fact is that even before these webcam whores posing as artists overtook poetry like Nazis invading Poland, poetry was pretty gay. Back in the day, people kept their poetry books away from their children for fear that they would become depressed, alcoholics, suicidal, or worse, queers. Maybe it's time we put away poetry altogether. Suicidal, depressed, and booze-filled teens? Fine by me. Gay teens? STAY OUT OF MY MALL!!

I feel this issue has been beaten like a dead horse in a circle jerk. Internet poets, stay off the Internet. If you have certain intimate thoughts that can only be expressed by poetry, why don't you put them where they belong: right up your ass.