I hate indie music. The genre is in and of itself a sham. You have shaggy hair, where your little sister size 28 jeans and you own twenty fedoras; you're indie. Do you assbags even remember what 'indie' is short for? Indifferent? Indecipherable lyrics? It used to mean 'independent', but guess what?
WHEN MTV PLUGS YOUR ALBUM, YOU ARE NO LONGER INDEPENDENT.
You holes. Fuck you. I hate your smug sense of self-satisfaction, your horrible pubestaches, and your love of male ass. I'm not a homophobe, I'm a homo-... what's the Latin suffix that denotes hatred? I forget. I haven't even touched down on the fact that the music is just terrible. All indie bands sound exactly alike. They rip off the Beatles constantly, and honestly, the Beatles are pretty overrated. What's worse is that they talk about 'rocking out' a lot. Bitch, say what? You don't rock, you blow softly. I mean, I understand it's hard to rock when Megadeth put out an album last year that rocks so hard I'm about to cum. Megadeth rocks, kung fu rocks, Freddy Krueger rocks. Snow Patrol and Coldplay? Not so much.
The only thing worse than indie bands are indie fans. Once, I took my friend 'Fucktard' to the mall to buy some CDs, when we started talking about music. I asked if he liked Metal, which is a pretty easy question to answer. Hint: the answer is 'yes'. Fucktard, being an indie douche, said, 'Sorry, I don't listen to dependent bands'. He said this as a joke, and even laughed to himself for, like, three seconds after. I punched him in the balls, then drove to his Mom's house and had unprotected sex with her. That pretty much made us even.
Another genre that needs to die is the 'alternative' scene. Alternative, indie, emo, or worse 'pop-punk'... it's all the same: shit. Kids, stay away from shit. Shit will ruin your life. Shit almost always contradicts itself in every way. Let us start from the top of this list.
Alternative. Nice name, jackass, considering you aren't alternative at all. All alternative bands sound alike, and they all listen to the same music. They're also all over the radio these days. Here's a new name, gents: comformative. Much more accurate.
Indie? See above, tool.
Emo. Oh, I'm a rich guy who can literally afford any luxury the world has to offer, and who has women thrown at him daily, and who gets free shoes, clothes, housing, cars, and instruments from all my multi-million dollar sponsorship deals, but I'm still from the streets. I know what it's like to feel pain. One time, my mom caught me smoking weed in the basement, and grounded me for a week. Brutal, I know, but I got back at her. I called her a bitch on my latest album. Suck my balls, Pete Wentz.
Pop-punk. This music is offensive. I am deeply offended whenever I see Green Day on TV. Hey, guys, kids are watching. Children may be annoying little shits, but they are the future. Should we really allow these assholes to destroy their consciences, rape their childhood, and fill their brains with subversive Liberal propaganda? But I guess it's the parents choice. Like if a mother buys her child a copy of American Idiot, possibly the worst album of the twenty-first century. That woman has chosen to enrage me, and tacitly, has chosen to taste my fist.
I'd also like to point out that the joke in American Idiot is not about conservatives or the uneducated, so much as it is about Green Day's fanbase. If you think supporting a band that calls their own fans idiots to their faces, in concert, and on their albums is a good idea, then you really are an idiot. Way to prove Green Day right, assmaster.
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