Because it is.
Women can be pretty annoying. I don't think I'm blowing anyone's mind here; this is a scientific fact. Women are beautiful creatures that occasionally get their heads stuck up their asses. They also occasionally get jobs, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.
This isn't to say that a man can't be a total fuckwit. Plenty of stupid dudes roam the land, and most of them have shows on FOX. What astounds me as a Professor of Sociology (oh yeah, I forgot to mention I became one a few weeks back. I'll tell you about it sometime!) is the completely new forms of stupidity that females have created. Applause must truly be given, as not only are these acts impossible for a man to perform, but even most women have to go well out of their way to cunt it up on such grand scales as these...
THE MOST ANNOYING FEMALE HABITS
1) THE 'KID' HABIT. No man has this problem, because when a man contracts the Kid Habit, his friends immediately stop whatever they are doing, handcuff the man to a flagpole, and horse-whip him with an extension cord. No, friends, I'm not referring to childbirth, although that is pretty cunty behavior. I'm referring to the habit of calling everyone you know 'kid', age regardless. Everyone knows a woman who does this. Congratulations, everyone fucking hates you for it. Here's an idea: learn your friends' names. But maybe I'm asking too much of women like these. Most women with the Kid Habit listen to Asher Roth and shop at American Apparel, so they clearly aren't smart enough to memorize a whole first name.
2) WHISPERING. A true man never whispers. A true man shouts at the top of his voice every thought that comes to his head, so that the world might learn from all he has to say. Shout on, my brothers, and shout proudly! That said, one of the worst things a woman is capable of is whispering, because all it really says is 'fuck you' to everyone around you. Clearly you are in a situation where quiet is needed; why else would you be whispering? If that's the case, just shut the fuck up. A man knows this rule, as do most women with high school diplomas. Unfortunately, stupid is 'in' right now, but really, think of a single situation in which women are known to whisper. Did we really need to know how hot you think Leonardo DiCaprio looks in Inception? But a woman never whispers at a funeral. What does that tell you? Does someone really need to die before you can finally shut the hell up?
3) EXPECT THINGS. At this point I'd just like to admit I am the most openly anti-feminist person you are likely to lay eyes upon. It's not that I feel women shouldn't be held to the same standards as men; in fact, I feel men and women should be complete equals in every facet of life. But feminists believe in female superiority like Christians believe in a Jew-Zombie Superhero. Women in this country can literally get away with murder solely because they have vaginas. Don't you think that being able to kill someone because you're 'emotionally unstable' is worth making seventy-five percent of what a man makes? I guess having a pussy raises your expectations in life. I certainly couldn't get away with stabbing someone to death because my dick told me to. Eat shit, Andrea Dworkin.
4) WEAR GLITTER. Any woman whose immediate response to this one is, "but glitter is fun", is retarded. Unless you are a five-year-old playing dress up, put it away.
5) YES, YOU FART. Nothing makes me want to strangle a woman more than when she acts as if she's never smelled a fart before. You have. Get over it. If you want to be respected as my equal (just kidding, I have no equal) be prepared to accept my farts. I mean it. I fart all the time, be it at work, when I'm with my friends, everywhere. Don't act like you don't fart. You know you do. You probably farted at least once while you were reading this. I'm willing to bet your farts and mine smell a lot alike. Any woman who wants to test this theory need only ask.
