Fuck Occupy Wall Street

I hate the Occupy Wall Street movement more than anything I have ever hated in my entire life, and I have hated almost everyone and everything I have ever encountered. I hate the people that support it, I hate the fact that it preempts episodes of Top Chef, and I especially hate how it has become the polestar of my generation's zeitgeist. When the history books collect my generation's contributions to mankind, this is the bullshit they will write of. This, and our love of PBR and Fleet Foxes.

When I first heard of the OWS protests through a friend of mine, I thought, "great!", because I love it when a group of people come together to crush fiduciary efficiency and fiscal solvency. Then I heard about on TV. Then I read about in the papers. Then I read about it on FaceBook. By the time a second friend of mine tried to tell me about it almost two weeks later, I began wondering why the hell this thing was still going on. I guess those hippies must be pretty well organized in order to maintain a basecamp for so long in on of New York City's most crowded areas.

WRONG.

Take a look at this and scroll down to the comments. At a cursory glance, it appears the hippies are fighting socioeconomic equality through complaining, a common tactic employed by those whose contributions to the world can be summed up in toilet flushes and trips to organic co-ops. Okay, I've seen shit like this before. Why's this time any different?

Because none of the protesters know what they're protesting about.

For fuck's sake, these idiots have a website dedicated solely to letting people know what they want, yet no one at the protest itself knows? Is there no Wi-Fi at these things anymore? Also, as much as these idiots try to make it look like they're suffering for their cause, the more videos I see, the more I think it looks like one big party.

That aside, even if they could get their facts straight and unite under one demand (it's been almost a month, nothing so far), it would still be a stupid one. The major claim made by these twats is that 1% of America controls the other 99%, and that this line is divided by wealth and taxation. The top one percent of American breadwinners pay "no taxes". What they don't understand is the next few steps down are far from the working class. The cutoff line is about $600,000 earned annually. That's what a D-list MLB player earns. How the fuck is that middle class?

Speaking of major league athletes, Derek Jeter makes $18.9 million dollars a year, not counting endorsements. Ochocinco makes about $5 million. And yet, it's all "the corporations" who are sucking up the money in this country, right? Major league athletes definitely aren't greedy crybabies at all. Hell, athletes aren't the biggest money sponges in the country either. Metallica's James Hetfield is worth $175 million. Dave Grohl is worth $200 million. Rage Against the Machine's first album has gone triple platinum since its release in 1993, yet Tom Morello feels like no one can complain about being poor without him.

If you really want to change how money is handled in this country, get off your skinny jean wearing ass and get a job. But if you feel you must blame others for how little your liberal arts degree is worth, do something other than complain. You can do what these upstanding gentlemen are doing, by withdrawing all of their money from all FDIC banks in America. Of course, they don't realize this could potentially restart that never ending circle of bailouts that everyone was talking about a few years ago, but hey, at least they're trying.

If You Celebrate Queer History Month, You're Gaytarded

JK Rowling preparing a squad of young wizards to go kill gay people.

The minute any group of people gets a 'history month', a black cloud of shame and farts is brought down upon those people like a plague of locusts. Black History months is the most derogatory statement made by White America about black people; that literally all of their contributions to society can be a) condensed into one month, and b) are only defined by the white people who appreciate them. All anyone talks about during Black History month is what an important figure in American History Martin Luther King was (no, he wasn't a doctor). Too bad it took damn near forty years for every state to observe it as a federal holiday. Also, why is Martin Luther King the only black civil rights leader worth remembering (Rosa Parks doesn't count)? Because Malcolm X, Huey P. Newton, and H. Rap Brown did absolutely nothing.

But you know something? Fine. Let's carve a month out of the calendar to talk about black history and make all the white people in the world who think racist things when the black cashier at their grocery store screws up the change feel better about themselves. After all, it's only one month, right?

Except there are three friggin' more history months observed in the United States: Women's History Month, South Asian Heritage Month, and the newest, Queer History Month.

I'm not going to waste two respective sentences on how fucking inane Women's History Month and South Asian Heritage Month are. Women have done absolutely nothing of note in the history of existence except sew, cook, and invent soccer, and I prefer North Asian people to South Asians, because North Asians aren't so fucking pretentious they demand a whole month to acknowledge them. Queer History Month I will talk about however, if only because I'd never heard of it before.

In fact, it isn't even on Wikipedia as of this post, but that's only because Queer History month doesn't exist; since its inception in 1994, it's always been called LGBT History Month. So why the sudden change? Why waste more paiper-mache letters when LGBT is so much shorter than queer?

The truth is America has turned the gay community into a petting zoo; you can walk in, feed the gays, pretend that you care about their well-being and then buy a t-shirt on the way out to show the world that you kinda care about gay marriage, which is still illegal in forty-one states. Gay has become a race, meaning if you have a gay person in your school, community, or organization, you qualify as 'diverse'. Bullshit. Social diversity means people taken from all tax brackets, communities, states, educational institutes, political agendas. Diversity cannot be boiled down to race. A gang of white supremacists don't magically become all-inclusive when half of them become gay.

If you take any time at all out of your life to acknowledge Queer History Month, you are lowering the IQ of everyone around you, becoming a walking vortex of stupidity. Setting aside a month for 'queer history' does about as much for the gay community as changing your FaceBook profile picture does to stop child abuse. If you really want to support gay politics or contribute to the gay community, don't just sit on your ass for thirty days pretending you're being progressive by reading gay poetry and watching Milk on Netflix. This month is bullshit.