Someone Wants to Sue Me!

Oh shit. It finally happened.

Yes kids, as the title implies, I have been legally threatened. A cease and desist email has come my way, albeit four months after the fact and at one in the morning. I always knew this day would come; great men like me are always being oppressed by painters of abstract landscapes.

Remember way back in November when I posted my article on why art students should be euthanised? Well leave it to an art student to take criticism poorly. It seems Herr McNulty says using his image (see below) on my blog ist verboten. Unfortunately for Nutty 'Nulty, I'm completely in the right.

My use of his image falls under what we bloggers call 'fair use'; it applies to any use of a copyrighted image in a review, parody, or criticism, and my claim fulfills all three. I'd also like to point out that I did not download that image off Saddam McNulty's personal website, but rather his FaceBook page, which nullifies the claim that the only place it can exist is Oshawna Bin Nulty's personal site, and that whatever poor schlub coughed up the cash for this nug of dook deserves a refund. Speaking of refunds, why do you seek 'back damages', Shawn 'Puffy' McNulty? I'm not getting paid for this, dick; neither are you.

I'd like to see this quibble end here, Shawn Juan Quixote... oh, who am I kidding? I'd like to see this case make it to the supreme court. Alas, it shan't, because upon speaking to a lawyer, I was told I had nothing to worry about. As for who spilled the beans, let's just say it was a nameless legal aide at the very law firm Señor Censorshit has attempted to sic on my black ass, Friedman Iverson.

"That's definitely something we can take care of. Just send him a letter back saying 'screw off', probably."- A Verbatim and In-Context Quote from Friedman Iverson, 3/21/13

Now, just to protect myself before I wriggity-wreck myself, I'm not going to publish the video I recorded of the phone call I made to FI. That would be illegal in this country, because I am not a government official. However, I would like to see this issue put to bed officially, so just to restitute any offense, I shall make McNultsack a peace offering:

A FULL REVIEW OF HIS WORK.

COPYRIGHT SHAWN MCNULTY 2009!!!!

1) TITLE. The title of this painting is 'Shiver Blue', and it is quite apropos. I shiver when I think an adult man painted this (I would have guessed a child, or at least a female would be responsible), and I blew out my o-ring laughing when I found out it was supposed to be a landscape!

2)ORIGINALITY. As a writer, I fully understand the importance of developing one's personal style. Before I hit the scene as the Internet's first official comedy blog back in 2008, no one was writing angry, obscenity-filled rants about Barack Obama. I feel an enormous swelling of pride in my genitals when I think of how I sired an entire genre of writing called "Hate Speech". This work, however, is not nearly as creative. Rather, it is a trite, mediocre, and above all boring painting. It's just two blue squares with a stripe painted through it. What land could this "art" be trying to -scape?

3)SKILL DEMONSTRATED. Well, you've proven you know how to apply paint to a canvas, however this is a skill all toddlers acquire in preschool, so you'll forgive me if I feel it lacks any effort on your behalf.

LETTER GRADE: TRIPLE FART MINUS!

I hope this puts things in perspective for you, McNulty. Lastly, if anyone reading this has any questions about handling a cease and desist letter, refer Chilling Effects, a non-profit organization operated by people who, like yours truly, value free speech, and would never childishly threaten to sue someone for disliking their shitty paintings. Stay golden.

quickie: music reviews, et al.

Serendipity + Stupidity = Stupendipity

The new Anthrax EP, Anthems, streets tomorrow. Don't buy it. Don't even listen to it. It's a cover EP, although that won't stop whoever runs Anthrax' merch store from whoring it out to everyone who subscribes to their FaceBook feed (which I shall henceforth refer to as FaceFeeding).

It sucks. I really can't come up with any other way to put it. Here, the metal gods have united to offer us six hand-selected generic rock songs (their takes on Boston's 'Smokin'' and Thin Lizzy's 'Jailbreak' sound especially asinine covered) done in the most stale, pedantic, obvious way possible. Just listen to their take on AC/DC's classic, 'TNT'.

I love how they took that song, and played all the notes exactly as AC/DC played them, and want us to pay money for it. Also, anyone notice how oddly Joey Belladonna pronounces 'oi'? He's saying it like, 'ay'. Which is odd, because that's not even how Angus Young pronounced it on the original recording.

The rest of the tracks follow suit, offering up no real deviation from the songs as they were written. The one bright spot is their cover of 'Anthem' by Rush.

That was admittedly pretty cool sounding. But one good track does not an album make, unless you're Adele, at which point one good track can turn into a three year career and two more Grammy awards than Megadeth has. Letter grade: F+.