Windows 7: Great Systems Op, or Greatest Systems Op?

Life has become increasingly complex in the overwhelming sea of information. I stole that from a naked chick robot on Adult Swim. Though 'twas plagiarized from an overrated anime, I feel this sentiment rings true. Technology, in its attempts to simplify our existence, has made things much more complicated over the years. Once, I could just walk out the door with a CD player or maybe some tapes, and that would give me something to listen to during school, or work, or sex. Nowadays, if I leave the house with anything short of a talking iTouch that looks like a Furby, the Japanese kids call me Stinky and shave my head. Technology sucks. Why can't an ancient dinosaur of a software conglomerate create a program that will make my life easier?

Well, my children... they have. At long last, WINDOWS 7!!!!!

I'll allow you to go get a tissue to wipe the jizz out of the front of your pants.

Back? Okay then. Let me tell you why Windows 7 will replace your precious God as Number 1 on your 'List of Things I'd Sacrifice A Human For'.

Windows 7 is made to simplify things. How, you ask? Nevermind that, stupid, your computer is made easier! Remember when you had to look for the icon that said 'printer' under it every time you wanted to print something? I sure do; head aches and eye cancer come to mind. But with Windows 7, you don't have to read at all! Just look for the picture of a printer. That's right, Windows 7 has made illiteracy totally acceptable.

The biggest selling point Windows 7 makes is that with it, you can do two things at once. Well, actually, you can only do one thing at a time, but you can look at them both at the same time. Also, the windows are both reduced considerably in size. Anyhoo, I feel this is actually a great innovation in the world of computers, a tool with which we can-- oh, I'm sorry, I have just been told that this is called 'dragging and dropping', and has existed forever. But there are tons of other reasons to upgrade to Windows 7, like... well, I mean... okay, if you just... moving right along.

Okay, I know I'm not making a convincing argument, but just look at the price point. A fresh Windows 7 disc is yours for the low, low price of... holy shit, $199.95? Fuck that. Letter grade: G. That's a whole letter below F. Also, think of all the crappy words that start with G. Gay, glitter, gypped... and others. Fuck you, Windows 7!