For those of you who don't know, Indigo Children are like real life X-Men, or the kids in The Lightning Thief. True, we may have our weird little quirks, but that's just because we are a superior race. And not Mein Kampf superior; more like 1984 superior. We Indigos are leading you stupid bastards to a newfound Utopia, and all we need from you is complete shelter from the law and income tax to pay for our meds.
But what is an Indigo Child? I first heard about them while looking up porn on YouTube. I typed in "fat+bedroom+confessions" and found this video. Holy fuckin' balls! She was HOT. But besides that, she also admitted to having strange powers that I thought only characters in the X-Files had. The girl, real name Fatty Fatty Boobilanny, claims that she can foretell births. I can foretell births as well; I see large bowling balls sticking out of the stomachs of women who are about to give birth. Fatty also claims to be able to tell when someone's going to die. Last week, my Mom told me one of my Aunts had terminal-stage cancer. I said, "She's gonna die," and just the other day she did! Weird, huh?
Convinced that I was a supernatural being just like my new MySpace girlfriend Fatty (who needs Skype when you have telepathic abilities and lots of crystals?). I ran into my kitchen and decided to try and bend a spoon. Low and behold I did, and I only partially de-gloved my hand and burst two veins in the side of my neck doing so. I then tried to communicate with my cat. I screamed, "GET THE FUCK OUT" at her, and she ran away really fast! It's like she knew what I was telling her. If that doesn't prove I'm an Indigo, then what will?
I was stunned. I immediately contacted the proper websites, such as FaceBook and FanFiction.net. I e-mailed them a list of my powers, which I have also reposted here:
1)PREDICTING THE WEATHER BY STICKING MY HAND OUT A WINDOW.
2)BEING ABLE TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS BLACK BY JUST LOOKING AT THEM.
3)BEING ABLE TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY BY HEARING THEM SING "PARTY IN THE USA".
4)BEING ABLE TO TELL IF SOMEONE'S FAT BY SQUEEZING THEIR BOOBS.
5)BEING ABLE TO TELL IF A WOMAN IS MENSTRUATING BY THE TONE OF HER VOICE.
Clearly I am much more advanced than you, however I believe this was established before I discovered my Indigo abilities. But rest assured I will only use my powers for evil on the weekends, when I am drunk, or if I need money to be a sweet moped or something. If you yourself think you may be an Indigo Child, here are some great websites that may help answer some of your questions, and also proves that I'm totally not making this up and that it is totally real.
2 comments:
i havent forgotten you yet or ur little freind...
Curses, it's Magneto again! Look, chief, if you're going to threaten me vaguely then mayhaps you should make use of your spellcheck first. Or perhaps you 'havent' heard of it? I use spellcheck all the time. It could turn out to be 'ur' best 'freind'.
P.S. Forgive the lateness of my reply. I've been terribly busy with college, getting a job, not wearing Tripp pants... being a productive member of society is hard work!
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