FaceBook Won't Charge, and The World Won't End in 2012

Ah, my precious, precious FaceBook. So free. So open. So full of dumbasses. Why can't you filter out the riff-raff and make the club more exclusive? That way I wouldn't have to receive invites to stupid groups, or put fatwahs on my friends for inviting me to join said stupid groups.

I know I already touched down on this in my Stupidest Groups on FaceBook article last month, and received quite a few nods of agreement. However, I still find my news feed clogged by groups founded on either A) back assward logic, or B) straight-up lies. However, I have noticed a recent trend away from groups like the ones I mentioned in February and towards one specific type of group: The FaceBook Revolution.

The FaceBook Revolution must be crushed like the brains of a monkey in a TGIFriday's kitchen. These are the people who honestly, honestly believe that FaceBook will start charging people to use the site at some point in the future. This is obvious bullshart. That's right, new word for lies; bullshart. Not a bull's shit, but a bull telling you he's not going to shit, only to go and shart himself then and there. The FaceBook Revolution is bullshart.

FaceBook will never charge people to become members. How do I know this for certain?

BECAUSE FACEBOOK ISN'T A PERSON

Just that simple. FaceBook isn't some maniacal evil genius laughing behind a wall of computers monitoring every inane little detail of every fuckwad's life. FaceBook is a goddamn website. If you think the FaceBook Administration will charge you for use (I think that's what these people are trying to say), you're also an idiot. If FaceBook becomes a charging social network, someone will just make a new, free FaceBook. Besides, FaceBook makes hundreds of thousands from advertisers as well as idiots who monetize their accounts, or charge Mafia Wars points onto their credit cards (smart investment, loser). What would they have to gain from charging people? Do you actually believe FaceBook Administrators lack the wherewithal that I possess? I'm an egomaniac and a cult leader for Christ's sake.

But you know something? I'll bite. I'll give these mongoloids the benefit of the doubt and actually suppose FaceBook had every intention of charging people starting on July 29th, 2010 (a meaningless date that has somehow become attached to the FaceBook Revolution). Why in fuck would they care what you people say? They know people will cancel their accounts once the charge goes into effect. Why waste your time making pointless propaganda groups when these corporate shills are just laughing their asses off at your empty threats? There's so much more you could be doing with your time, like hanging yourself, or seeing if attaching your junk to the back of an eighteen-wheeler to see if it will make your wang longer.