The Movie Version

Great news , loyal readers ! Paramount has offered me untold thousands of stolen dollars for the rights to a theatrical adaptation of this blog ! I've even been signed on as the executive producer , ensuring that the film sticks to the source material . It will be released worldwide on (insert date three years from now) .

We've got an all-star cast lined up for this one , kids . Mel Gibson is attached to play me , and Kathy Griffin will play all the many imaginary people I see wherever I go . The film is basically going to be Mel Gibson sitting in front of his computer , ranting and raving for ninety minutes . It will cost an estimated $120 million .

Now , I know it's a long wait between now and (insert date five years from now) , but I've posted the teaser trailer to wet your whistle . You can watch all nine seconds of it at www.alghizera.com . We're not affiliated , we're just piggybacking on their messageboards . Unfortunately , our cameras are made of earth-born components which cannot perceive the light reflected by Mel Gibson , so all we can offer you are drawings and production layouts done with action figures . But boy , are they something ! You'll swear that was really Mel screaming at his laptop instead of a Homie figure glued to a string .

Jerry Bruckheimer will direct , and the script will be penned by M. Night Shyamalan , so you know this will not be a massive pile of steaming hype leading up to a crappy movie about plants . We're so sure that this film will break records in (insert date seven years from now) , that we've allotted part of the budget towards buying Oscars . So far , we've purchased Best Costume Design , Best Lighting , and Best Editing . Oscars are mad expensive . But we were able to obtain a package deal . In addition to those mentioned previously , we'll win the 2001 Best Animated Feature Film Award , originally given to Shrek , and Starland Vocal Band's Best New Artist Grammy .

Mark your calendars , loyal readers !I'm sure (insert date ten years from now) has overtaken Christmas on your list of Best Days Ever . Stay tuned for more news !