Making An Example Out of a Doucher

Dearest Readers, I feel that I am not a man of braggadocio; that is to say, I do not make bold, untrue claims. My claims may be bold, but untrue? Another matter entirely. If I post it, it's the goddamn truth. After all, you can't lie on the inter-webs. That would be illegal, or something.

As many of you know, now that my blog is picking up steam like a runaway locomotive being driven by the Incredible Hulk, I have been attracting hate mail like a wet piece of dog shit attracts flies. However, this week marks a first: I got my first inter-webs challenge.

The challenger: niger1website@yahoo.com. This bastard has some beef to queef, I guess. Apparently, when he read that the deposed Prince of Nigeria claimed that I was the hottest blogger in the world, this young blood took it as an insult. Niger, please. His e-mail does all the talking.

Hello so according to a Nigerien or Nigerian ( Niger or Nigerian ) you are the hottest blogger on Earth
i manage http://www.niger1.com

Okay, so you manage a website about Nigerians... what are you, a slave trader? Or, more likely, is it a challenge you seek? Methinks I shall take your challenge head-on!

Now, I am a gentleman (not really; I am never gentle about anything), and as such I am required to allow the challenged to choose in which way I shall destroy and humiliate him over the inter-webs. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant over my inter-webs!

Now, I know what you're all thinking: "Darsh, what if it's all a mistake?" Yeah, well, what if I smack you upside the head with a baby, asshole?! This is between me and this SOB.

So, Niger1, if you've got the stones, e-mail me back with either a proper, mano a mano challenge, or an apology. Either one is fine by me. Oh, and if you're going to apologize, I will need a swearing of allegiance to my cause. Also, you will need to send me some of your blood, which I will use to sign your name in the book of Mephistopheles, and--oh, never mind, it's not important.

In any case, I think it would be a nicety of you to respond within one week. You sir... ARE ON NOTICE! Deal, motherfucker.

So! Let's recap, kids:
Niger1 challenged me, I think. He has only a handful of options-
1)Challenge me properly, which is to say, via e-mail. I do NOT respond to IMs.
2)Rescind the challenge, if indeed that is what your grammatically incorrect message was.
3)Stay off of my website for eternity, or at least until I forget who you are.
See you in one week with the answer!