PC or Mac? Bitch, how about oral or anal? I'm sick of these fucking PC vs. Mac ads. They're ruining TV for me. I can barely get through an episode of The Office without that fat douchebag and that smaller, more hip douchebag ranting on and on about how much PC's suck and how much Macs rule. Well no longer! I'm settling this dispute once and for all! The winner is...
WHITE PEOPLE!
For once, the downtrodden white man comes away with a win. Y'see, no matter which side you choose, whitey gets his due. No matter what you buy, he gets your money, and no matter which side you choose, he laughs at your suffering from on high in the corporate squash room, swathed comfortably in his dress polyester, a margarita in one hand and an illegal immigrant in the other. He's living the good life, and you're rotting like a papaya! Trust me, papayas are real, and they rot quickly.
And why shouldn't he laugh at you? You people sound like idiots when you march around all young and hip/all old and uncool. You think you own the universe/don't own the universe! Let me break down why both sides of this war are complete tools.
SPECIMEN 1: The Mac. Whassup?! I'm that asshole you roomed with in college! I listen to Fall Out Boy, Bloc Party , and, when I'm feeling extra deep, Dave Matthews! Also, I gel my hair to make it look like I didn't wash it or style it at all, even though it's going to be covered nicely by my awesomely over-sized trucker cap that says "Jesus Is My Homeboy". You know what's cool? I mean, other than wearing sunglasses indoors and saying, "Yo" to black people. That's right! Macs! They're way cooler than PC's! Why, you ask? Oh, that's easy... It's 'cuz... uh... they have a neat, uh... well, if the kid from Dodgeball says it, it must be true. I mean, he boned Drew Barrymore, even though she's twelve years older than him! AWESOME! MYSPACE!! Whooo!
SPECIMEN 2: The PC. Hello. I'm the man who sits in the cubicle next to yours. I am a social outcast of unbelievable proportions, I wear a yellow shirt with brown pants, and I am slowly dying inside. Sorry, didn't mean to fly off the handle there. But I'm just so excited to tell you about my PC. It's heavy as hell, a fat white square, and provides mild thrills for a reasonable servicing fee. Just like my wife... if only that were a joke. I may not have an iPod or 'friends', as you call them, but I have a Zune, and my ten year high school reunion is coming up... that should give me a nice opportunity to make people remember me before I go on a shooting spree next month. Well, gotta go. I was feeling randy, so I downloaded some porn off of a site called JCPenny.com. See you all in hell; I'll be the one wearing a yellow shirt and brown pants.
Here's an idea: why don't you all realize that no matter who wins, you lose. Even if you are happy with your computer, you are still a loser. Why? Because you are not me! Oh, and just for the record, neither PC or Mac is the best. LINUX BITCHES!! 'Nuff said.
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