Have you ever heard of Gaiaism, or the theory of the superorganism? If not, than dear God stop reading! I don't want to risk the chance of one of my faithful readers being brainwashed by these fucks. Just look up some porn. Here's a great site: http://www.darsh-deep-thoughts.blogspot.com. Click here, take your pants off, and don't look back.
If you're reading this and not pleasuring yourself at my behest, then you've probably already heard the bad news. Mother Earth hates us and is going to kill us unless we all smoke dope, fuck our sisters and wear white bathrobes all day. Sound ineffective, needless, and stupid? You're pretty perceptive. However, there is no stopping these bastards: Gaiaism is, for reasons undetermined, gaining popularity quickly.
But what is Gaiaism? Essentially, it's everything I just said, only much, much worse and said through the mouth of a New York intellectual with a soul patch. According to this 'creative' (Read: wrong) belief system, Mother Earth, or Gaia, is a sentient being who controls all the goings-on inside of her ecosystem. We, the human scum that we are, are shoving a broken vibrator up her butt with our Greenhouse Gasses and Republican presidents. Also, freedom is bad, and the French are right about everything one hundred percent of the time.
Bitch, please. I take my truth fries with a side of freedom fries then covered in a sultry beer batter and fried together in a heap. Cover with ketchup and fire away; you just got served.
Fuck France and fuck you, Gaiaists. hate to break it to you, but you're wrong. Why? Because you're not me. Also, if the Earth were a sentient being, why wouldn't it kill us to get it off our back? Because it loves us? Bullshit! If I woke up one morning and found a bunch of Euro-trash potheads like you backpacking all over my nuts, trying to 'save me', I'd scorch my pubes off with a flamethrower. Love my ass. And also, if Earth were it's own organism, couldn't it survive a couple of psi's of homemade carbon-dioxidized lovin'? I mean, it's lasted about 5 billion years, so why couldn't last a few hundred more?
Don't look to this crowd for answers. This cult is primarily composed of two groups of people: "smart stoners", and "hippie stoners". Basically, they're all high all the time, but some of them wear cardigans and some wear ponchos.
Don't believe me? Check this out; http://jacksonlcg.blogspot.com/2008/06/save-gaiagive-solutions-not-problems.html. I'll give you ten seconds.
Ha! Did you read that shit? Earthquakes, floods, diseases, it's all because Gaia is trying to show us she loves us by killing us all! Wow, dude, read a fucking book. Did it ever occur to you that all of this and worse happened to people thousands of years ago? Or to the dinosaurs? An entire race of brainless motherfuckers were wiped off of this planet by natural occurrences. So why were they killed? Did the T-Rex drive a Hummer or something? Did the Triceratops disrespect Gaia's power? Or was all ...
A BIG FUCKING COINKY-DINK?
Your guess is as good as mine. Oh wait, no it's not.
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